I remember the build-up, going back and forth with myself. I contemplated if it was even worth the hassle. I never really masturbated, just a few rubs on the bean and some squeezing those thighs tightly took me a long way. But this time was different because I finally entered the world of penetrative sex. I was overcum with the new sensations that came with this lifestyle of partnered sex. 

However, it was with a guy who lived over 200 miles away and had zero interest in committing to me which was something I had wanted. So I’m sure you see my dilemma. I needed a solution, an “I can make myself cum” solution.

I did what any college student on a budget would do. Shop on some cheesy adult online sex store and find something cheap and familiar a.k.a phallic-shaped aka dick-shaped. When the package arrived I was EXTREMELY excited.

I kept thinking countless orgasms here I cum. (Sorry, this is like the 2nd play on the word ‘cum’)  I waited for my roommates to get back since we all loved our sex chats and I knew they’d be happy for me, especially since they didn’t really like my dick of choice that was 200 miles away.

I could feel myself getting hornier as I opened the package…but an odor wafted and filled my nostrils. I could only describe it as a rubber and chemical scent. I figured this was normal as I’d never experienced toys before and it wasn’t like I had any resources to help guide me. 

To make a long story short, the toy ended up being a disappointment. Don’t get me wrong it definitely had its fair share of uses. I actually did make myself cum from it. But compared to what I know now I would have NEVER even looked in that toy’s direction!! Learn from my mistakes. Here are 5 things I wish I knew before buying a toy:

Body-Safe is the Only Way to Go

Something that may not come as a surprise to you is that the FDA does not regulate sex toys as it does with other consumer goods. They don’t give a shit, disappointingly so considering sex toys directly interact with our bodies and the FDA regulates consumer goods that directly interact with our bodies! 

Most toys are internal or come in contact with the skin. Without regulation, many products are distributed with harsh materials like phthalate, PVC which is like a jelly rubber material, and Trimethyltin Chloride. If your toys contain any of these it is best served in the trash. The risk of chemical burns and rashes are to name a few of the harm caused by careless toy making. 

Great alternatives for sex toys are body-safe toys. This includes silicone, glass, stainless steel, and even wood! If you’re looking for a realistic or smooth texture silicone is the way to go. Silicone toys can be made to vibrate and often come in a variety of patterns and speeds.

Glass is another favorite of mine as it can open up doors for temperature play. Putting a glass product in a bowl of ice water or warm water can add a goosebump-worthy sensation. Be sure to do a temperature check by placing the toy on your inner elbow before using it on your intimate parts.

You Don’t Have To Pick A Dildo

As you read in my story earlier, my first toy was phalic shaped. This was all I knew. Why change the flow? Little did I know there was a whole world out there I was missing out on. When I started my toy journey I realized it didn’t hurt to try something new. There are many toys available that stimulate other erogenous parts of your body. 

I had ventured off into air technology and suction toys for the clitoris. The best one for me is the Satisfyer Pro Vibrator. It was incredible. I felt like my clit had been kissed by clouds that just left my pussy pulsating. My horizons were beginning to expand. 

But I remember when my life changed forever. I was looking at bullet vibrators and thinking what is the hype about this tiny toy. I stumbled upon the Luxe Scarlett Compact Vibrator and said fuck it, let’s see what this is all about. I was never the same when I unwrapped her. What I love about the bullet vibrator is how easy it is to carry and bring for some partner play.

Add Some Lube to Your Cart

I know Rihanna said “And it’s always wet, a bitch never ever had to use lip gloss on it” but listen to me when I say lip gloss makes the lips juicy! Giving yourself pleasure solo or even with a partner can require some lube. 

Think of it as just a pick-me-up way to enhance a good time. The vulva requires a lot of stimulation to get wet but even then it needs a little extra gloss. Keep this in mind while checking out. There is no shame in the slip-n-slide. 

When picking a lube it’s important to know what is okay inside of your vagina or what’s compatible with your toys. My personal favorite is coconut oil. It’s slippery and smells yummy. 

When pairing a lube for a silicone toy make sure you avoid silicone-based lubes as this can harm the materials bringing you so much pleasure. And a tip for you is to ONLY use water-based lube for latex condoms.

Other lubricants will actually break down the condom, so this is when you want to leave the coconut oil for cooking.

It’s Okay If It Sits in Your Drawer

Okay, so now you’ve done your research and landed on body-safe toys like the ones on Ardentley. You’ve made your selection of pleasure. After opening it you get excited for your first use and experience with a toy. You’ve set the mood, lit the candles, turned on Erykah Badu and you’re about two glasses of wine deep. You get on your bed and start up your toy. Congratulations! You’ve been loving this steamy self-care routine for the past two weeks. But then a month passes, two, maybe even three and you haven’t brought out the good ol’ first love. 

It’s completely normal to not want to use a toy all the time or want to masturbate every time you get horny. I’ve let toys sit without use regardless of whether I’m in the mood. There is no shame in this. Buying a quality toy is always worth it as it holds its longevity and is ready to use once you’re ready. Sometimes it just means you’re ready for a new sensation and want to add to your toy collection.

 As you grow and grow your toys some will be used more than others. But I must admit, one day when you’re looking in your drawer and spot an old favorite it turns out to be a pleasant surprise. Almost sentimental if you’re an emotional cancer sun and moon sign like myself! 

Properly Clean and Store Your Toys

Once all is said and done, after some lovely playtime comes a proper cleanup. Always wash your toys with unscented soap and water. This is a sure way to keep your body-safe toy’s body safe. Bacteria can grow on unwashed toys and if you have any plans to share your toys with a partner you’ll want to make sure they are rightfully sanitized. After washing your toys be sure to dry them and store them in an accessible place for you to enjoy later.

Pro tip? Charge battery-powered toys so you know you’ll be able to enjoy them without the waiting game. Been there done that and suddenly your mind is off sex and onto a frozen pizza!